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Open Your Mind, Open Your Heart
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[21 Jul 2004|03:35pm] |
I've stopped blogging on this account. I might have a new one later on...but for now, I don't have an LJ anymore.
~ Caitlin
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[11 Jul 2004|05:05pm] |
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mood |
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 DownHearted |
] |
Have you ever had that time, when you're waiting. You sit by the phone, expecting someone to call. The feeling you get every passing second. The question forming in your mind,"When will the phone ring?" The fake happiness. Trying to think of the positives. "The phone will ring any minute now. They won't forget."
...But the phone call never comes. You wasted all that time, and it never came.
It hurts. It hurts really bad. But you get over it. It's happened before, why should this time matter? But it hurts the worst. You're tired of being the third wheel.
And again with the positives. "Maybe they were busy. You know how life is. Maybe their phone was dead. They won't forget the next time."
Time passes, and you try again. Once again, you're forgotten. You try to talk about it. But nothing helps. Nothing at all. They just don't care.
What's the point in trying again?
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| I like this poem. |
[11 Jul 2004|12:23am] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
] |
I've been really down a lot. I haven't really noticed it too much, until I had a break down while reading KoreAm (A Korean American magazine.) I was reading a passage by someone named Banana Man, and then I started shaking. I couldn't stop shaking, and then I remembered stuff. I dunno what it was, but there were little things I don't remember ever happening to me. I calmed down after I read a couple of stuff, by Korean Adoptees, and I guess I felt really connected. I read some of their stories, and was like "Hey, that's happened to me" or "I know exactly how you feel." I really like this poem, and I hope you all do too.
In America
by Leah Sieck
In America
My Korean face
floats in the mirror:
Half-moon eyes,
proud cheekbones,
melon lips,
night black hair
haunt me.
If I could break the code,
the secrets of my genes
could take me back
to those first breaths--
Those secen days
when I was my true mother's
daughter
could tell me
if it is her face
I see.
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| Happy Birthday! |
[03 Jul 2004|12:08am] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
Happy birthday Skyler!!! Love you much! ^___^ I really miss you and hope to talk to you soon!
~ Caitlin
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| Happy Birthday! |
[02 Jul 2004|02:04am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
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music |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG! |
] |
HAPPY 14th BIRTHDAY GILLIAN! i i <-- Candles!
LUV YA!! Happy b-day!
<3 Caitlin
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| I AM GOOD! |
[28 Jun 2004|12:12pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
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music |
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"Anti-Nostalgic" by Kotani Kinya |
] |
w00t! I figured out how to give a person a b-day card. That kinda sounded stupid, but still. There's a person I wanna give a b-day card to, but I don't have their address, e-mail or phone #..All I have is their AIM SN...And they are rarely on...So I've finally figured out a way to give them a b-day card! GO ME!!!
Sorry I haven't been updating in a long time. I've been so busy with a RP LJ, I've not really had time for mine. Plus, there's nothing really going on in my life right now. It's all so boring. And, I haven't been feeling too well. All those rolled together equals why I haven't been updating reciently. There's nothing really else to say, so I'll update later. Bye.
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[23 Jun 2004|05:51pm] |
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mood |
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Down |
] |
What's done is done, and I have to move on, but I'm really having a hard time doing so. I can't explain it, because..I just can't. I need to learn to deal with it in my own way. I feel like I have a part in this, even though, it's not really a part. It's not my fault, and I know that. And there was nothing I could do to prevent it from happening, but I still feel...I dunno...down.
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| Camp is done... -sad sigh- |
[20 Jun 2004|03:53pm] |
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mood |
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content |
] |
Hey, I'm back. Although, I really don't wanna be back. I love you all, but I really wanted KHC to be longer. It felt too short. It seemed like one minute I got there and the next minute, it was closing ceremony. I really feel that KHC is the one true place where I really feel that I belong. Of course, my heart belongs with everyone, but I really feel a different connection with my friends in Korean Heritage Camp.
I really liked the band that came this year. Their name is SanTa..Please don't make fun of that name, because the people were really cool! They all are Korean, but they live in Japan. So they came for the camp all the way from JAPAN!! They were so cool. The people's names were: U-Hi Kurashige, Kyon Bom Koh, Won Park, Yoo-Mi Min, and Young Chi Min. Those were the ones who performed in the band. Min Young Chi, (or Young Chi Min) was the producer of the band, but happened to play at the camp. Since there are 5 players in SanTa, and Min Young Chi is the producer, the fifth player is Daisuke Kurashige.
The cool part about this year was that Toby Dawson was our counsleor! (That's probably spelled wrong, but I don't give a shit.) TOBY DAWSON! He is so cool! I couldn't believe it when I was told that he was going to be our counsleor. I really freaked! He's really cool, and he doesn't let fame get to his head. He's just like everyone else! He's so hot! ^__^(XD)
I really felt bad for my friend Laura. She came early, and it was cool. We spent a lot of time together and it was fun. We go up to camp, and her mom forces her to wear a Hanbok (Traditional Korean clothing..Pants and a top for guys, and a dress and a small top for girls ><;;). My mom usually forces me to wear our Hanbok together, but I accidentally forgot it at home. So instead of having to deal with the embarrassment together, she had to deal with it alone. I really felt bad. Poor Laura...(On a lighter note for me, I didn't have to wear mine! XD)
Camp was really fun. It's nice to see the people I only see once a year. But I really missed talking to people on the Internet, and being able to contact them. I'm really glad I'm home. I just wish that camp could be a little longer. The time goes so fast, and it's the only time I'm not the minority any more...
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[13 Jun 2004|03:02am] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
] |
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music |
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"The Real Folk Blues" from Cowboy Bebop |
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Hey everyone, it's me, Caitlin. (Well..no duh..who else would it be..unless someone hacked into my account..but nevermind.) I won't be able to be on the computer for a week. I know the time is really weird...I mean..who would be up and alive at 3 am?! It's cuz I can't sleep. I've tried everything. I haven't been feeling too well..so I think that might have some factor in the sleepless zombie known as Caitlin. I'm also excited, because it's Sunday, and my friend Laura is coming from Phoenix to stay with us before we go up to Korean Heritage Camp on Thursday. I won't be IMing or updating my journal for a week. It might be next Sunday evening or Monday when I talk online/update. It all depends and different factors on what's going on. So yeah..I'm gonna clean my room for the heck of it, cuz I'm so bored. @__@ I must be really bored if I wanna/gonna clean my room. It's already clean, but I'll find something to clean/organize. -sigh- I can't wait until KHC, because I really feel like I fit in. (Not that I don't think I fit in well enough anywhere else, but I'm not looked at oddly as much.) I blend in with everyone. Well all have some kind of connection. I think because most of us share the same blood, we feel closer to each other. I still feel close to all my other friends, but I feel really connected with my Korean friends. For example, my penpal is from Korea, and we felt really connected for some odd reason. Oh well. I'm just happy I get to go. It's so much fun. There will be tons of Korean food. And I say, that is the best kind of food in the whole world! ^__^ BULGOGI, KIMCHI, RICE!!!! and more!
I love you all and I'll miss you all so much.
~ Caitlin/Kim Yong Hwa/Kyoko (Too many damn names! ~_o)
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[11 Jun 2004|12:03am] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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^__^ I feel so happy. I have a crush..-blush- And I really like this person. He makes me feel so happy. Everytime we talk. I really like him. His name is Skyler. He's so sweet to me. (So we haven't really met, but just talking to him, makes me feel good.) He's always there for me, and I realy like him.
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[10 Jun 2004|03:55pm] |
All of my friends are in some kind of pain. My friend, Andrew, expressed how much he like this one girl, and really wanted to meet her in person. They had been talking online for quite a while, and they really wanted to meet. As fate would have it, their chance is not likely to occur. He's going to have to live in Korea. He will never get the chance he deserved/ wanted to be able to hold the girl in his arms.
My other friend, Mike, expressed that he wanted a true love. Who wouldn't. He said that all of his friends say shit like: "Don't I matter?" Of course they matter. But as friends. He want's a true love. I just wish that all this pain would stop.
I too would like someone who loves be back. Someone who is always there for you no matter what. I said once that I was going to be alone, never marry or have kids and junk like that to avoid being hurt. I know now that what I really wanted, deep down was to have someone there for me. Not just friends. Someone who loves me. Someone who would hold me in their arms. Love me no matter what. I really want someone in my life who would hold me close as if I would break if our bond was broken. I just want someone to love and who would love me back.
I know that might sound kiddish, but I don't care. I really want that. But enough about me. I would rather be alone as long as my friends could have that love. I wish for you Mike, to find that love. And I hope that it will last. I wish for you Andrew, to be able to meet that girl you like, and hold her in your arms just like you've always wanted to. I wish for my friend's happiness before mine. As long as their happy, I'll be happy too.
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| Ugh. |
[08 Jun 2004|11:28pm] |
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mood |
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 Feeling-less |
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music |
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"Pretty Baby" by Vanessa Carlton |
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Another day without sleep. I'm just always like this. I don't know why. It's not like it's too hot or too cold or anything. I just feel drained and down in the dumps all the time. What usually makes me happy, doesn't affect me that much anymore. I put on a happy face so no one notices how much pain I'm in. I don't know if you should even call it pain. I just don't know what's going on. I'm living life. No feelings whatsoever. Yeah I laugh and smile outside, but it's just an act. I don't know what's going on, but I'm kind of scared. It's kind of hard to explain too. This is the best I can do. Oh well. I feel something really bad is coming up..but who knows. I shouldn't feel like this. One of my best friends in the world is coming on Sunday to hang out before KHC. I should be more excited, but i just can't for some reason. -sigh- I need help. But I don't know what kind of help, and counsleors and stuff scares me..o_o;...I don't know. Sorry for all you readers who have to deal with this shit about me complaining all the time.
I've been meaning to put this poem I wrote, a long time ago, on my LJ, but I've forgotten up till now. So here it is:
"The Pianist" by Caitlin Ross
She sits down on the bench,
Staring at the 88 keys in front of her.
She places her small hands on the keyboard and starts playing.
Starting out slow, but soon quickening the pace.
Not wanting to slow down.
Faster and louder she plays,
Pounding on the keys.
Playing the same song over and over again.
Not wanting to stop.
As she quickens the pace of the song,
Images flash before her eyes.
All she wants to do is get lost in the song-
And forget about everything.
Every person-
Every detail-
Of that horrible day.
Faster and harder she pounds on the keys.
Not noticing the blood dripping from the cuts in her hands.
She won't cry-
She can't cry.
All she can do is play.
Finally she ends the song.
The song describing pain and sorrow.
She stopped the song so abruptly,
Just like the accident that stole the life of her beloved.
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| MLEUH |
[07 Jun 2004|12:49am] |
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mood |
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 Zombie-ish |
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music |
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None |
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I'm so tired. I can't fall asleep though..-sigh- I'm also exhausted. I made a LJ for K-san, and the background wasn't doing what I wanted it do. I had to redo it over so many times because it wasn't working well. I'm so tired. I guess I'll try to sleep now that it's almost 1 am...-sigh-
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| I'm DYING! |
[06 Jun 2004|09:27pm] |
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mood |
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 Ill...Almost dead. |
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music |
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"Anti-Nostalgic" by Kotani Kinya |
] |
-coughcough- My dad was making Korean dumplings and stuff, and the instructions said to boil for 15 minutes....well my dad thought 'Maybe I can microwave it for 5 minutes.' NEVER DO THAT! The stupid bun dumpling thingy burned...And boy did it burn...the paper towel that was around it caught flame, and the whole house filled with smoke. I was coughing and gaging and pretty much felt like I was gonna die from oxygen loss. If he ever does that, he will find his death day really really really soon! ><;; Stupid Dad...Stupid bun dumpling thingy.
-coughing- There is still smoke in the house...
I feel so...lonely...T__T I mean not friend lonely, cuz I talk to my friends a lot...I just...miss....Hiro... It's been a long time since we've talked.. Oh well.. He has a life too. I shouldn't be too selfish...I just wish..we could talk for a while. Oh well. I'll be patient. I miss you, Hiro. I also love you!
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| Tangerine Dream |
[06 Jun 2004|03:23pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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"Tangerine Dream" by Do As Infinity |
] |
I love this song by Do As Infinity:
Zawameku machi ga nemuri ni tsuite
Iiyou no nai fuan ga kubi wo motageru
Romaji:
Yume mo negai mo tsukamaetakute
Oikaketeba ou hodo ni kyori wo kanji ni
Nido to nai kono toki nigezu ni
Tomaru koto naku koto sonna no
Itsudemo dekiru ne
Futo ki ga tsuki to ojikezuiteru
Nichijou no kurikaeshi no narehajimeteru
Hitamuki ni motomete kizutsuki
Kateta ita yureteru jidai wo
Ano koro bokura wa
'Genki datta?' juwaki no mukou
Itsumo no koe yuuki wo kureru yo
Hohoemi mo namida mo subete wo
Uketomete ikiteku mirai ni
Itsu no hi ka itsuka wa kanarazu
Bokutachi no negai wa todoku to
Shinjite iru kara
English:
The murmuring city goes to sleep
And an anxiety I can't put into words rears its head
The distance feels greater the more I chase
After my dreams and desires to catch them both
This moment will never exist again; don't run away
Stopping and crying...such things
Can be done at any time
When I stop to think about it, I am afraid;
I've started to get used to the routines of daily life
During the uncertain times when we were racing,
Getting hurt from single-mindedly wanting something
Back then, we were...
"How've you been?" That familiar voice
I hear through the receiver give me courage
A future where we can live,
Accepting everything from smilies to tears
I believe that
Our desires will reach that future
Some day, sometime, for sure.
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| BACKGROUND! |
[06 Jun 2004|02:32pm] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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"Tangerine Dream" by Do As Infinity |
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I just love this background. I LOVE IT! I think Shuichi and Eiri look so kawaii in this pic. And for those of you who don't know what "kawaii" means, it means Cute. So yeah. It just is so.....COOL..Go Haruka Sena. What an artist! There are many other pics she does here is her site: http://www.age.ne.jp/x/emi-t/gravi_top.html
I'll update later!
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| YAY! |
[06 Jun 2004|08:48am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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ONLY ONE MORE WEEK! My friend Laura will be here from Pheonix in just one week! WOOHOO! I'm excited if you haven't noticed (x_o)
I said that I would show everyone the dirty icon dude..so here he is: 
I also like others like: Nerdy:  and Drunk: 
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[05 Jun 2004|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
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| New Background! |
[05 Jun 2004|09:39pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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"Sleepless Beauty" by K.ITO & D.K |
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As you can see I have a new background. And yes, both of them are guys. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! I find the picture really cute! And as I said before, There is nothing wrong with two guys loving each other. Love knows no gender! I like this background. The other one was getting a little annoying. Seeing that one repeated over and over again was getting old.
-sigh- I hope other people like this one. If anyone has a problem with this background, I'll introduce them to my fist! w00t! YAOI FOREVER!
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| THANKS! |
[04 Jun 2004|04:43pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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Hey Akane! I love the icon! Thanks so much! I probably won't change it back..I like this one a whole lot better! ^__^
This made me much happier! Thanks!
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| -Sigh- |
[04 Jun 2004|03:46pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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music |
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"Anti-Nostalgic" by Kotani Kinya |
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Everyone is so mad at this person I know. I really feel bad that a lot of people who I care about are getting hurt by this one person. I don't know the person very well, but from what I heard, she isn't really nice. I hate you -------. I want you to stop hurting my friends. What I've heard, if it's not what she wants to hear, she seems to deny it and make it seem like she's the victim. -sigh- I just wat her to go away and stop hurting my friends. The people who have gotten mixed up in this seem to want to kill themselves and they hate their lives. It's just so sad. I feel like I can't do anything to help. I feel so useless. I love you all.
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| Travelin' Soldier |
[03 Jun 2004|04:22pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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"Travelin' Soldier" by Dixie Chicks |
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This song is so sad. ;__;
Two days past eighteen
he was waiting for the bus in his army green
Sat down in a booth in a cafe there
Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair
He's a little shy so she gives him a smile
And he said would you mind sittin' down for a while
And talking to me,
I'm feeling a little low
She said I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go
So they went down and they sat on the pier
He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care
I got no one to send a letter to
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you
I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter said
A soldier's coming home
So the letters came from an army camp
In California then Vietnam
And he told her of his heart
It might be love and all of the things he was scared of
He said when it's getting kinda rough over here
I think of that day sittin' down at the pier
And close my eyes and see your pretty smile
Don't worry but I won't be able to write for awhile
I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter said
A soldier's coming home
One Friday night at a football game
The Lord's Prayer and the Anthem sang
A man said folks would you bow your heads
For a list of local Vietnam dead
Crying all alone under the stands
Was a piccolo player in the marching band
And one name read and nobody really cared
But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair
I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter said
A soldier's coming...
I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter said
A soldier's coming home
I like this song a lot. For some reason, I'm a little down. I don't know why. Oh well. Here's the site I got the lyrics from. It also has the song in the background. Not many people like the Dixie Chicks anymore, because they said bad stuff, but I still like their music.
Site: http://www.geocities.com/bethcmt1/soldier.htm
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| w00t! |
[20 May 2004|01:22am] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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Today is the last full day in school! We get our yearbooks today! I also bought a black t-shirt for people to sign in silver sharpie! w00t! How exciting!
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| EWW! |
[19 May 2004|04:30pm] |
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I just saw the icon mood thingy for sick. That's gross! ><;; Oh well.
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| BLAH |
[19 May 2004|04:30pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
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music |
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None at the moment |
] |
I'm bored, and not feeling well. On the plus side, Finals and school are almost over. YAY! ^__^ I'm at school updating during math. BORING! I'm so sick of school. SUMMER BREAK SOON! I can't wait until my friend Laura comes over! Yay! Ugh, still not feeling well. Update later!
~ME~
It hurts to look back.
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| Blah |
[11 May 2004|05:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Tangerine Dream" by Do As Infinity |
] |
Hi. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. A lot has been on my mind. School, finals, a bad February and shit like that. -Sigh- Have you ever wanted to forget something, but no matter what you do, the memories keep coming back? Well that's happening a lot to me, and I wish it would stop! ><; Oh well..I guess I'll just have to deal with the pain. I'll update when I feel like it. Bye.
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| DUDE! |
[07 May 2004|01:11am] |
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mood |
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 ditzy |
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music |
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MUSIC! |
] |
I just saw the icon mood thingy. It has wings. That's so cool! ^__^ sorry, but I never noticed that, and I was excited! ^_^; Has anyone seen the dirty one? It's so cool! It's like...cool! I'll show everyone later! Byebye!
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| Total Boredom |
[07 May 2004|01:06am] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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"The Rage Beat" by Bad Luck |
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Welcome to hell! I'm at school updating. My classes for today are AID and a field trip. GUESS WHAT?! For AID I'm doing the funest thing in the whole freaking world. I'm.......FILING PAPERS! W00T! ><;; So boring. Oh well. Our field trip is going downtown on a savenger hunt. Oh joy...-said with little enthuisam- (too bad for typos. I stink at spelling, and I'm proud!) SLO-MO Blink: o_o --> e_e --> -_- --> e_e --> o_o copyright Cait (Kyoko Sohma however you know me as) ((Kyoko Sohma = RP name)) (((RP = Role playing))) Yeah..So nothing new has happened lately. Just the same old same old. Finals coming up and crap like that. So much fun..><; Updating later!
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| FWEE! |
[04 May 2004|07:42pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
] |
Hey everyone. I'm doing much better than this morning. I have a friend over and junk. She made a really really really really realllllllllllllllllly cool piccie for me. Damn, the persone I wanted to talk to signed off...><;; now he signed back on. I'll update later
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| I'm so angry. |
[04 May 2004|01:21am] |
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mood |
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 angry |
] |
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music |
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"Anti-Nostalgic" by Kotani Kinya |
] |
Last night was the worst Monday night. The day was going great until I was told that one of my friends was in the hospital for attempted suicide. I started freaking out. My whole body was shaking leaf. Then I was told that he was found bleeding after 3 hours he attempted. That just hit me hard. I was crying and shaking, not knowing what to do. I was all alone, and there was no one to come a comfort me. Sure my other friends talked to me and stuff to try and help, but I needed someone beside me. I was frozen, not knowing what to do. Later that evening, I found out that it might have been a joke. I was so confused and didn't know what to believe. I was up all night, not able to sleep. Just thinking everything over, trying to figure out which was correct. I finally found out this morning, that it was all a joke. Just some sick joke played on all of us. I was/ am so mad. I don't know what to do. And to make matters worse, you know when you haven't cried in a while, you get a headache when you do, that's what happened to me. I have this major headache that wont go away. This week is going to be crap. I just know it. I really hope it gets better before the weekend. I really hope it does.
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| UGH! |
[01 May 2004|06:19pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
] |
I'm trying to make this boat thingy out of paper, and it is fun, but so freaking HARD! I'm trying to make this dragon that goes on the boat, but all it is looking like is )(*%)#&^*#&^&#^(&^*^)(*$)(^*! -sigh- So anyways, HI! I'll update later!
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| MOO! |
[28 Apr 2004|05:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Pretty Baby" by Vanessa Carlton |
] |
Hey everyone! I love strawberry pocky. Do you?! If you don't, then GO AWAY! just kidding! I'm so tired. Today was a half day at school. It was so boring. I went to an Asian Market and got some stuffz. KIMCHEE! I got some for a friend too! HEY JILL! Shout out to you! Enjoy the kimchee! YUMMM! I have Korean lessons. I stink at it, but it's fun anyways! I will update later! POCKY!
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ichigo_pocky's journal
